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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
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- ^7 h* q9 K& b% |/ R: O* D* e% f: |+ b  bike and asked for forgiveness.
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0 i  G/ s; L) w7 o* t  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
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  辆然后求上帝宽恕。3 ^# c$ o. Z* r6 k

1 i9 f9 R- w. }' E7 L: P  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a( l  @1 v, t0 ?$ |% V

7 X" c% W6 S9 J; t+ L5 f) p/ Z  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
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" E: e/ Z! Q, i0 j! }2 _/ v  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一8 P% |$ b  Y& `8 O% S& b

6 t* _# F+ s3 @, n- {% j  样死法啊!9 ^5 T: A9 A, A8 }2 q" C& `
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  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you8 J9 c8 F3 [8 [

- H3 b/ S/ J3 B5 I, H  with experience.
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  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你- k# i& E0 u) a' G" X1 I( L0 w

  K# F% ^5 a" L  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
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. B# h9 `+ e, o# O* B$ v  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。* v9 R7 V4 g+ W8 j  t4 z9 K7 i

! d1 |% X: K8 v7 M  [: D  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.; e& H& P  g& V0 z9 n/ h; R

& \7 l8 H. x1 }% x6 S6 o  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!4 _$ ?+ H, k4 ]% Z* ^2 s; ^# F& C# x
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  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。9 G( `$ i5 ^# v! W1 @8 M( w8 Z4 g

* x$ ]8 @* w* \' V0 u/ H  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.! Q" c/ A3 T8 i0 ?" I

. r7 Q9 t: W, u( o4 m  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.  T8 s8 {. ]6 X) |1 E- k$ B

. t! v" N- Y4 ]  ^/ l4 B8 A5 X  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd  d2 P( J( v2 |8 T1 B6 w" g
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  better have a good hand.  Q# u0 V# s  n8 i" m/ [" w

# m5 {. O9 Q! Q( s4 ?' Q8 a  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。
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  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca- i4 {: s3 x$ f7 b! O

1 ?: h1 J) X. m: J4 I9 r) F  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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$ `+ B; f) P* N  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去# ^  f/ U# N  l, v& z

) [2 O) X: {9 C1 G  还是很有喜感。
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1 `2 w: G" m0 R1 u- }  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
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  ged regularly, and for the same reason.
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  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏
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  了!!
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0 J$ \3 O0 n: T8 P3 Z' Q  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.* J$ J3 U9 Z% e5 Z. p- Y9 A
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  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。, W. T( |) f- V% J. E
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  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship+ X  a* x! I- r; N" _$ _
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  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!
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  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。1 b* Q$ x/ U5 n" b  y+ m; Z7 }$ ?$ t/ R; O
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  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
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  n, make him a sandwich.
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1 D9 W" y% j9 B& U5 f8 I& w  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!/ t; Q  n2 V. k$ ^

% b; f$ t+ Y" P8 J" }0 V7 }4 a! u  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
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  il you hear them speak.
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, n- C: K8 Y& K# G+ @  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B..., E2 Z9 v) V$ C4 o

7 n: y) K8 {2 U0 R5 O, D  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.7 }# {1 h2 ^) N  \

. k# J, k/ `4 `% F4 T  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
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  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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! S3 d4 L- j. F; g: }  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。
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  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
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  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""
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$ a. F. N) Z' S: k9 ?, P  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.( r4 m2 L  K  Z9 f
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  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
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  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to' I6 g6 T% j1 T- @8 }& g$ E
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  tell you why it isn't.& g8 i) O9 n% T, Q+ m
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  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。
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  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
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  box to start a campfire?
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' j3 f0 R* s4 n5 J8 V0 \  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
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. p9 O6 H$ X" a1 v0 n+ E( t$ r/ Z% u  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科
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; l$ }/ Q1 P% t  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
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9 w7 v0 F: P1 e! R' M  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?5 a, L8 q1 j! o& h; H4 W# z$ i
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  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr% J9 a2 i5 t  w4 O, U$ ^& W" X

0 g# v2 J) N! m; @  uit salad., {$ d1 |6 Z. f2 q1 P2 T! q
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  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
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  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个! }" Y% n/ o3 y

1 L/ L: U/ i( ~  篮子。& S+ H! J( r4 [: j8 [

/ ~  o5 F; [2 ]# b% T' z6 v6 L$ |  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"8 k% G* w8 R# ~- t# H
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  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
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0 [) k, ^( h* Y2 j  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!
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. r' ~. L% u$ f& x  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
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% [+ n; F0 y4 T3 D* S- c; Q  same night.
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1 ~4 @1 l! m" @  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。
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- E  |  [* Y' d! a  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
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  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。. w; w2 b9 O6 Z" P
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  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
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  . On my desk, I have a work station..5 Z. \8 E& M% v8 Z% d& E
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  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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6 {4 g! w6 g( q6 ?, C$ t  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
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2 Z. n/ H; i- v# T+ D! l2 F  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。  o; k( b6 ^, W% S) y9 {; p
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  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv$ w8 g+ e' w7 J

/ q/ g  T% L9 |. ~% q: S0 A  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
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9 R2 m  r; }+ l; }; K! v  m fish?
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  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃4 m0 F  K0 c8 u) r0 {' `6 Y

7 j4 f* N/ i8 F( [$ E: a% Q  了。1 z( m& w/ [- p' S

" {! @  g4 c& W$ |" ~% C  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
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  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!
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/ ~( _0 n& K3 n  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!. _: l0 u) w0 m5 `3 C3 I

8 d  U% U3 ^: O2 ]; B! ?  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan. W  e8 y: w3 C* Q; M0 B

. E& h9 ]+ r* ~  ts?"
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* ^8 K* A/ V8 k* D  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”
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  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk# {- o( k, R# b, ~6 @

% Y4 [  M- m& j2 h  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-* n! G& Y( Y5 i; [7 {

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+ m$ R% w/ D8 A6 H/ i  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。0 p" {, C- h0 q4 E/ b2 H
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  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu: C# Y, J4 A/ l' X, N9 E9 s0 h9 u
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  t check when you say the paint is wet?
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  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?
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  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al+ J- O* [- |) z& T1 @3 c9 _

, Q- U/ A) K# F; E& P! v8 d  l doubt.
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  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。# h5 f1 k  [7 I- e2 E) P& \
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  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。% k' m+ Q% v; a% J* P) }" `8 J  m
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  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释. A4 v% h8 [5 z; G/ w
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  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。
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  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
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  t need it.
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9 M' ~& w3 P& B) `% @- Y  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方; U) A$ \$ @# |* E

* J- d) Y: d) I- a  @  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.2 x7 z+ x; C7 i( ]! c  h
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  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。
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! d( o' r/ x! |5 G  K3 I  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。! L# G2 |, u7 k+ ]9 y
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  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!+ H; U+ R5 H2 T7 a" z7 S
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  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!
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. @7 x( N. ~/ ?( Y  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫3 Q# h/ v4 @  T2 r2 _1 Q% a

8 f- R" Q# h0 E0 m4 ]* o5 W6 {  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.# y) g% N2 r6 @' d7 x1 |% o) R" T9 Y
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  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?
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  p2 j2 g! f/ L9 a: F! C  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”8 a( g& x/ N( q+ j2 i, S+ N

' D  B# E% c/ @, C  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。) N( s. K; N* n8 n
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  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.6 i9 m7 e* p! {( Q; z& o, x: U
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  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装: N1 F  x( h/ u) P' c! L

. ^1 X% K$ b7 Z6 D% l6 _5 X( E: U  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
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  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"
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5 a) d& `% E9 D# H  ]  \  L/ \  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with4 l. }( S# Y2 V. r$ v0 E

9 U4 }7 _2 T- O6 E  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy./ i7 n  f- |8 Q; a
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  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等: F2 P% F6 P5 b
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  。
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  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.- e" r& e4 E/ f
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  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
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  rls live.
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* f" K( @. N* |* r  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!
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  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
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  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。+ y% Y% x2 }# Z( t/ r; r  [0 h) E
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  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。$ r. U# n; l7 N& ~1 F
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  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.$ P2 D( @* `; |' u. G+ j! f

, b: S9 \. z' J0 C  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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  B  v; D& ~5 A3 ^; y  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a: L# Z' o9 B, h; A+ n. B

& g) x! R: [: v- ~3 r& y) b  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
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( a4 }+ S) W+ c" _  Q: p  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
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) m. R! p' y- ]  叫声是一样滴。! [' \# S5 _6 S
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  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets./ d3 V: X# H4 t

: Y5 H5 M# Q. t1 h* ]6 E  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
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  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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' m. T3 _2 Q0 p' |) T  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.; n. i" j4 x- W9 g
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  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!
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  Q6 B9 n* Z6 m+ M) O  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc8 a' |: `7 T$ Z. ?
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  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?# }% h! {6 g8 R5 T9 Q( q  F2 O0 f

* N8 H: e2 l. V4 J  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什
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  么忙?!
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, O$ Y# B: o% H  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.* U2 B4 z) C1 x4 L: W, q+ ?5 A
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  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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