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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
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  bike and asked for forgiveness.
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/ f* Z  j; _- A2 b  s5 O: H# u  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
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  辆然后求上帝宽恕。$ G' D. t; T: U, b; Y) m( n2 T6 n, X
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  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
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% Y2 V2 V- Q6 T) M  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.7 K- z$ _9 f; m1 J
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  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一6 F/ R: O; i/ x9 u% W# d: p
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  样死法啊!
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  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
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  with experience.  [6 A  T+ k8 ?( D& J- I
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  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你- [2 }5 f5 m* r0 Z) }( s9 R- F

2 a- p3 q7 D9 P8 h  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。, ?3 B1 ?1 b; s
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  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。
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  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。! N* ?5 x+ R% _5 _* O2 k$ r' R. V

& @7 u  Z* g' |& h- c9 p, c8 V. z  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
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' w& n$ F7 V( {* T1 b( R2 d9 A  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
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  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
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  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.; e: u. X/ w- D

" q' i; K9 Y4 C6 B  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd
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  better have a good hand.+ H2 Z  v& T( Q. `
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  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。
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2 ^  G: F; k& _3 U! A  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca3 T- q. G% y$ H% L5 D
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  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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. R* h9 E- L# B" v8 T2 R7 m) f  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去7 I3 |# b" f1 W# j

. h6 s* b$ p$ I! `: [  还是很有喜感。
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  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan' p& Y' q- m# |% K

2 i5 x( e( v- k2 w& b( H; `1 Q2 P  ged regularly, and for the same reason./ t) n7 o! d9 D( R

4 w6 s5 z; A4 L5 b) z$ _* L9 e  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏7 b* e- f3 J9 m, _  y
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  了!!8 H$ p2 K- G! I: i) T

" Z/ \1 ~% n8 v- k5 x0 A  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left./ m) c; p- }- N9 u0 d- Q& x
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  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。
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0 F$ q3 ^4 r+ N! G+ B) S  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
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  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!
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  T" G1 a* h) j- {  P$ s  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。; K6 n3 D& ^: }" J1 s
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  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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0 W: F+ w/ T, J" a; f, k' d9 o  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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; I# e! F) g1 F! O" I; J  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
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  n, make him a sandwich.* V" T( B3 `: [4 I. P+ r  p

2 C7 m/ R; n, Y0 S0 ~' }  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!
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4 ?+ t; r, I8 \) G8 d0 W  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt# i0 T5 z, i0 c; |7 y! O2 c8 |0 j

+ a1 Y2 Q9 R$ X' V2 \, m  il you hear them speak.
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  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...
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. c/ p9 B; |  q+ c4 r+ o  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.  \6 [! ?2 |* A5 R
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  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。' }( l( e9 d  W0 f' n  \1 O
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  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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' K+ \6 V, ]5 \1 ~. n6 n& g  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。1 t' l3 C. X) L8 W3 ]3 C
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  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment: N# P- c: k# ?- u0 F

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  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""
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  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
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. m+ o  Q% X5 f4 J+ Y* z, X5 B  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...0 J* u! Z7 Q; ^3 d3 S$ a1 V
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  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
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  tell you why it isn't.
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! e1 C: T7 }  q4 ^" H  {# V' j  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。8 J6 A# J' M7 C1 B( B) @4 H+ M

4 |1 B3 T" }$ b$ ?) U  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole; J. i* ?0 Q  s* g

- d' J) W% C' a* N5 f4 I8 b  box to start a campfire?
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  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
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: H  F5 Q% u1 N) j) o7 ]6 k$ B  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科- Q) K1 h* d0 N8 n+ }9 O
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  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
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/ q6 x$ n! a( J3 H  s it?
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  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?
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  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
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7 U- U$ d; o2 W% @% n7 W  uit salad.7 L- P! c2 o2 w( I8 s$ T5 `

2 T1 _1 y7 w' T4 f" J  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
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  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
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6 U, |# D5 V) T! g$ U  篮子。' u4 c5 ]% y1 j0 V: Z$ ^! M, e
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  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"9 ^% z# |$ ~* A& b6 y+ y" X
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  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
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5 m4 A) V% O0 x% K) N+ a  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!
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  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
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" L: h6 E4 ^# I* v  same night.) M7 N: N) d$ {
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  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。
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& U8 y! {6 a( @, m7 E  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian9 L9 b' B9 O, u7 c5 K" P6 E

# T/ s" ]  Q- h8 J; F  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。
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  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops6 F6 i; o% K7 \
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  . On my desk, I have a work station..* h2 X2 M* ^  ]
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  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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2 {$ j6 s8 I, W; k) Z- g; y4 Y  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.; z" L5 ?! U) T  ~

: A( W! P' J2 g  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。
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% W/ l! G. v& K* t. v8 ~- T  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
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  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the6 a5 l' V! J! C' q

( v: c* ?  Q) H5 ], J. [  m fish?
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  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
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  了。- t7 |4 g$ [& ~0 U
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  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
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/ c& [4 F. i  i1 Q; N4 a: L* L9 H  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!
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  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!
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  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
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$ l7 i  I# d) Z! E  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”
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  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk) C8 Q+ r8 d' Z) y4 \$ D

; A1 z1 R& o( q* B, a* m  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
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6 y9 i  m# s: P5 M9 D  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu0 `7 T4 B# o3 K0 D& C% w1 g
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  t check when you say the paint is wet?3 Z# i# C$ p3 a% j( \% y1 z1 t5 h

% `3 c# U7 @4 D3 z3 o) s1 `9 N  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?- L$ }8 M) m0 R: m  |0 e- p

, {* D5 O3 c  ]4 [. h. R) u0 h  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al
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1 B% ?) |/ m1 y9 Q  l doubt.
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  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
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  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。6 i3 i5 }( A- a7 a, f+ `8 x
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  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释( {& L) K2 s, t0 c5 ]' ^
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  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。5 i6 p% K" B( {6 G5 Z  a: [) C0 U

" M3 z) E3 F9 Z5 P  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
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  t need it.7 ?3 e  u( e" H0 [$ k, B
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  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
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6 X. Z% g# L7 O6 ~: k$ A  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.8 s4 F  y% H& D, X; n6 h( c' w

$ U' s2 D: S( n0 b: b- M/ {/ o  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。
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3 w1 D3 h. r  r' z  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。' o  L4 [, n! b

! R4 R5 o8 Y3 `) x* ^# G% c  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
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  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!3 w0 ^1 ]/ y: m% h

9 T/ z& i) E7 {  ~4 l$ Q4 U  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫5 W* V' t: [! w% r: ~4 ^0 f. O

8 i, s+ X5 l; X0 l( P% D9 G% ]  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?) ^7 ?1 k. X; z' ~5 }% j

; Z, W+ ~( I  u/ Q/ v  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
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* R* @" v; |- Q& m6 f0 m. ?  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。
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  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
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( `6 P# |% [/ D( J! ~0 X3 ]  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装
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  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
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7 y8 K! |. c( ~' J  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"
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5 q& T$ z! G* h$ }4 }- e  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
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" R* Z. D5 ~/ v3 s9 M/ d6 a/ \  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.+ x- }. l; T2 j% y' w+ @
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  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
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  。
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4 w+ n( g6 u- x1 i9 M3 X* U' n- S  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
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+ U+ e9 {7 s% P  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。/ i; `6 b3 S9 t; f7 Y+ p

$ \7 L. I" @/ l: X& |  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi, O4 M6 r; R9 l9 \3 v1 k: q; G7 j

6 F6 V! y0 s, R6 V' [  rls live.2 ~. Y! P1 e8 C3 n# X1 ?

/ h4 V, T( C' h) }  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!
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  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear# _8 [* b6 z* L3 @* b
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  ch.
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' b: S7 \9 [  ]  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。
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  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。' D1 v3 Y6 l; \3 Z* T
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  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.7 W) V- S5 Q4 {! p/ M+ Z8 ^, V. E  X
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  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
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  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." I5 i. Z" R0 \7 i  }. j: M8 g3 l- s' D
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  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨5 ]! H  R% M4 W  I. l; H% o
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  叫声是一样滴。7 L4 n+ R; ^, s  S9 t: A/ n. Q
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  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.1 c2 R, [/ Y( W5 w/ l/ x0 h# j
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  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。4 J8 r/ Q: f$ \: H- M! ~/ @
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  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。3 M0 Q. g6 {! Z* N

% g1 G( J5 i- R0 t5 Q% q  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.0 g5 P" o/ W# I; w0 g
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  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!
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' {5 v: A% J7 g+ v* b. V; j  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc' s% [& U# \1 |5 d/ Q8 U

) |& }! Y' R6 _  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
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4 O/ a7 k9 h$ D1 P$ }: [7 z  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什9 q& e2 Z5 \3 r" r, z$ S  _

% [: N0 e5 G; e* I! O  么忙?!: a6 R2 \9 X; @( ]* n

6 z: {' D( H$ F+ T1 |2 K  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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