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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a* W6 I, }; r! y, P

7 k: z- X: I& I+ d6 z/ g6 h5 i0 M  bike and asked for forgiveness.
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) w$ \/ p6 C2 p5 B- o. W- C1 t# G- ^  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
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% G& p# C& R( |: ~9 T  辆然后求上帝宽恕。
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/ L* H* N# h5 a4 \9 H7 \  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a) S8 w. S, t8 q

$ V* Y7 g+ t3 r4 K4 e  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.7 `, a( A6 o: d6 N' O# G
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  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一- s% i: ], x1 e  P4 g
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  样死法啊!
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  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you2 o+ v# i6 Z8 ~* [; R2 a2 ^
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  with experience.5 W1 Z5 f3 S& J2 j8 p- c) s) _
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  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你4 u6 |+ s3 v: V" s! U; Y3 u

* k2 o& @0 Y8 J, }! L" m1 d; p, s  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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7 A1 r0 p+ |/ }, p+ U$ _  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
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  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。5 R% }- A, \; e3 h4 }( f9 j/ v

, u2 d5 x. c/ T9 Q0 Q6 ~9 N  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!7 _; ?2 C: |- l* r* k% P
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  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。" Y" ]% t) m! n
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  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.! s- M( z. e# z$ K6 Y
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  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
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  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd: @3 k, `) l+ S. u
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  better have a good hand.
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+ [2 ^! D1 M8 l2 O* a! |  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。. L& I) C6 o# O
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  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
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  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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5 U$ _: H  U; `7 t/ _0 ~  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去$ p! E0 j  k9 }% d
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  还是很有喜感。3 _( Y1 f) h6 e+ b5 S

) {; q8 q: B! c& W2 T  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
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  ged regularly, and for the same reason.( ^9 T3 k4 g: }) ]3 j. G
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  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏$ m5 o* g/ p9 ~9 c* y/ W! y
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  了!!
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, o$ j7 s+ t' S! ?  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
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6 T! O- b- X; J( c2 i' ~4 q/ d  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。* U  X; @+ h1 }/ D+ N
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  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship0 I& `* U% W0 n! U* L& I% P
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  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!
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" J, }5 N+ G7 ?1 ]5 |6 n4 f  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。3 Z5 a! m, k3 u: w( g* }

% W% l/ x! R: K+ I; Y  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.+ }3 P* t+ U" }. n# C( C

7 V, i  K% I: t7 O8 r; y  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。. u5 D- _# {. u: H" u6 ^

" F# F: [* }; o$ M; _! o5 ?2 W1 m  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio6 t6 F! @: O) c/ v6 T

/ u/ E4 d$ |2 R; K) @* C2 r  n, make him a sandwich.
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  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!4 n4 V4 |3 g3 ^- @7 z5 u2 ]/ s
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  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
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6 ?# G9 t1 ~6 X" A3 q# _6 M3 G  il you hear them speak.- e0 o* Z2 k2 }; N7 v
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  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...
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  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
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  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。7 l  v" u5 s( h1 ?- m

$ R% I6 Z& ]4 V, ]  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。! m) e! {+ {6 q- b* r

! N9 s5 o: l  k" W) y' q  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment. Q. p. {( b8 {1 ?% O: w6 w
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' f# D# |3 R7 s; k7 v- T  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""2 Z0 k# _1 M+ X5 c" o" F

* g" d3 e& a6 Q( C, l& F; ~+ H  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.( z- f# `  J8 ~7 Y5 C% o6 ?

: N0 M0 G. X3 V( d& o7 }. L  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...% d0 X2 P; |4 W' I
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  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
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  tell you why it isn't.8 o; ?' U3 b, U  J; R

, y! H7 T  ~2 K+ \5 o  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。
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  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
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  box to start a campfire?
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; X# T9 |! n3 }  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!$ m2 {% l% B8 ~9 u: ]
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  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科4 L$ q- k' r$ I9 }' b

4 N4 V. x+ X$ y8 \/ P4 _2 r& z  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy; B) z: K2 d1 |  @- I0 R* ^9 u% {0 E

! b; _  u7 z7 S3 r+ `6 h, `5 F  s it?
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: |$ C" S0 V7 ~& C/ d  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?
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  h7 o) X+ T0 L6 F6 J  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr- Q6 U- V! [( P6 E7 d( r$ U) S! l  d

3 e& d( j6 s9 Q* h( G  uit salad.
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2 R+ t! g% e3 h( E  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。' `% e3 Z8 t* }
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  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
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  篮子。6 |# ], r3 ^1 y1 |
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  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"
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# e& }# t# M+ Q% ~/ i- a, i( W  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.; l& f; P* p; }# W

0 u+ G) G# X  \# v1 r  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!" y, `- }( R$ W$ l) x

/ Q8 d: f+ Z* l) V  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the1 `6 k+ }/ A( Z, K! b$ t
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  same night.
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  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。
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0 C' J# v& _* _% M. A  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian& C: H  H, Q: f9 r9 R4 g

! V) N6 W: |/ E5 F5 M! F5 i  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。
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  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops4 X, L: o6 J5 ]. ]2 G0 i
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  . On my desk, I have a work station..
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+ O3 r; d; E6 m9 v, l  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…3 T" d( _8 }0 ]# ]; s/ ~# [1 L* ]7 @

# J3 X3 e& G- Z) m) N9 `9 n7 T  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.' J% c+ }* Q2 z. A, V1 J" l, f

, i* S% G- q' R' G% q4 d  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。% m7 ~/ J! W+ }) w( @1 c
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  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv5 b9 c  Y) \6 x1 Q

9 @; t/ f6 b0 H4 n4 m  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the* Y" y. {% Q* h( F: }

6 w; h" q" ]- K; _  m fish?
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! M" Z; y+ R6 R3 d  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
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7 q9 b2 ?8 q$ x2 t  了。
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+ B  o5 V: b6 L3 [( e3 x+ y  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin% J. ]& c9 p; Z. q0 k
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  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!
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  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!
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  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan- S9 |5 ~2 T. z2 T  `

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  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”
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1 B6 `* @# a/ t% w4 }) ]" v; A  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
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  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
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% u& K( K1 Q0 o& Z& ?  up.
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  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu
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4 `5 o' o3 Z- T  t check when you say the paint is wet?: |# i' B  m- D# t* `5 L

: u& R3 k& G) J* l; n( O$ T7 W2 H0 _) a  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?
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  T- L$ w2 ?0 {% x; S* n9 G2 M  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al0 f2 s; @  E( ]- Y6 L1 T

# z# n7 q& l; O' ~) w7 t  l doubt.
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  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。* o2 e7 T/ e) r7 [9 h9 b4 |

7 E# E4 W, ]+ ]; f9 N2 N  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。
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  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释1 F; x$ J) @) _
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  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。
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  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'" M2 E9 p+ Y3 a5 V1 w; u2 B
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  t need it.
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% c  [2 F* }& [+ ?" L$ z1 O  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方/ Y& B2 P$ ~; t5 B. p% I

# ]7 h; u5 q. \# w" }  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.  l! w1 w& T8 a4 O+ S

$ L4 s- L6 ~2 T6 b5 s& o' w. k  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。
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  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。: u0 Y% Z; @8 ?6 X# ?8 d& }9 t

7 t1 l& \: [" Y  h  s0 G! Z0 U3 J  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!  }1 S  O* @3 B* e8 F$ C
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  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!' a; l8 {7 C; X  R8 X
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  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫
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  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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5 n" q( c  d) ?5 h/ s: N6 D) O  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?4 [# F) g/ C1 b0 g- S; @. m; X# i
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  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
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  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。8 I8 F1 [7 x( _0 z- ~
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  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
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) [' s3 i5 a+ c7 z& W" N/ m2 g  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装
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  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.) V" B1 H! u5 @* V; n$ W
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  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"! Y/ Y- C4 _6 }! S+ R: u$ B
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  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
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  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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( B* P$ N1 `" v( w8 n# S7 L5 |  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等, y2 \! k" n) E, J5 N* x

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  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
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; o" S/ c# N2 ~/ z  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。) O! x! F* v# U0 D6 A  B
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  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
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  rls live.
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9 b5 c' ]. ~2 D8 }  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!6 V3 f& K) D, n5 v3 h9 q
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  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear+ d2 F& E# v6 v' ?" Z
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  ch.
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  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。( H5 o+ r+ D  |$ s

- b/ o% Z0 F8 K1 T  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。
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  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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+ P% z/ I- H. P3 R% i4 D2 t9 t  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a# W5 y- O7 N  T, `4 p$ L& `8 x

6 W0 E7 G: N! q  c: `$ U2 F. K  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
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, c- c* W- x5 c8 X& K- c& k: X2 U( R( t  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨  d3 I( I9 e. m5 J

" O( y6 }5 ~0 X: S+ o& p  叫声是一样滴。4 J9 H* n/ t( x
, ^- ?2 H3 r; [/ s  z
  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
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8 i( T: a" s* L% k8 v( {9 ^4 N$ d  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
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; ~* {  w1 ~$ q8 U! f# R0 K  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。  \7 }$ Q0 i& I7 C2 Q; g$ k

; _# B' h: y. ?: y) q  U  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.9 P/ e: b2 v1 }8 F% |
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  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!9 _0 l' Y/ v( T  P- y

) ]# a. T* R( r" _' Q  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
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  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
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5 }* \1 c2 u) b. z9 h  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什
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3 V# [& r3 ?4 [3 c) C3 Q8 c% X  么忙?!6 M4 L* ]# n/ e$ \3 j! y4 Q7 b/ i
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  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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, H1 c, m; c& |- t8 I1 Z  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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