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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a% w+ d0 d( F" X& S/ `& b" D" G# i

; P' L/ `. n( i  G+ i5 T  bike and asked for forgiveness.
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! g' G: t2 _4 M7 }% D8 U  z  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一  A# w, @# x: P- w& r" m  d& L" P2 p

0 ?( w6 Y7 o* h) }% g- S+ n, y! S  辆然后求上帝宽恕。: H! d9 l2 ^) z+ t; _$ ~5 f* n
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  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a" }% f) F3 {' ^- b) }1 I

% q: X; e$ T7 h% N. {  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
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  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
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, T+ L, T* y1 }( }2 @  样死法啊!
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  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
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  with experience.
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  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你+ S8 R( q' \" [) N, x! C2 I

0 U& w( b7 B% k( o% T( Q' P  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.. P, A9 V9 M3 `( f0 ?) S7 G" I$ W

5 y% V; o  k9 P% Z( ?  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
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  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。
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  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.% c9 o, a2 B7 ?
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  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!: `5 T% P) o# ]; J* \  g% D$ @

. @% T$ z+ ~! Q" L0 v  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
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% H) |5 _5 E: s, u$ a3 R3 [  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
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  E6 ~" b2 b- H1 w% ^; ^  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.$ T# Y" `) C. U1 r+ Z# |

9 z* G( v6 h% G+ K8 i6 h; @- o! k  s  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd" I+ ], |: ?3 m4 H) A( V
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  better have a good hand.: I& r- V2 Z/ l% E7 U% |7 k
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  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。9 K4 `# j: |6 [' Y6 ^( B- n" C
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  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
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  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.: R8 s' Y" \! {+ {" v4 A
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  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去8 r5 N3 R4 @3 g0 V
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  还是很有喜感。
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  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan% i; S  A; Z' g  U
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  ged regularly, and for the same reason.% v  W/ ]/ B1 S: F( a

8 i" B: T( `) p* \  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏$ P, @' {9 g* S' F( C

5 B2 x' k# E$ `# Q' B  了!!
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  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.1 ~8 {7 h9 x/ D7 p

7 c, D& ~& Y. X  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。
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  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship* V# ?( E' n$ \
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- F' q0 Q: W& C3 t1 f9 ?  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!# h  X' w- x4 x! s$ B: }

# U' V& K  d; V' n2 n  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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! p9 z& n  m; m5 T, z  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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. d+ R9 }2 N8 F; V  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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) N! m7 Q% t' |) W  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
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; y; `, R) I: X  n, make him a sandwich.% l: n+ _: T  x! l5 B

7 n% r3 s3 m) x3 u* L" f4 j  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!
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. x& v/ ?0 _& O) X% s5 D' y  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
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  il you hear them speak.* `9 g0 t7 I# f8 F. Q6 v) `7 `) {
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  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...
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" s. q* M& q/ R$ v0 ?3 `  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
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  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。9 M# A# t5 }) x5 W
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  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。
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$ W; |' G, I7 {: B7 O% w) z  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment6 P8 l/ ^. m' D  L1 C
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  s.
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1 o  _4 t1 F$ N  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""
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  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
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( G5 ]) Q8 E2 U2 s) [  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
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  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to. `% M! O# Z% a0 ^- J. A
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  tell you why it isn't.- z' ~/ G, \9 y6 Z# j& g) `- v, k

' S- i% ^& c, J$ g  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。
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  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole& S/ C) D; k' U* k
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  box to start a campfire?9 F1 o( [8 a! t6 a! }. T

1 \, e/ h  \; ~% v3 V. d* k5 t  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
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  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科
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7 G: v: g$ C" U( w! u  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy) W  c: H" g1 V7 K) i5 E( O/ D
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  s it?
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  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?) }+ R# \# a$ H" U1 l* \$ s
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  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr8 j5 ~& t$ F; Q$ N+ g$ o. o! S

5 _- l% @8 F- i' I  uit salad.0 N+ i* I: K! G# O( X  F  K

, Z( A5 i; U* f( p- `" j$ W  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
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  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个2 u* A( q5 |/ c! p7 A/ _' E6 B7 o4 [

- n; J2 K1 G4 {  篮子。7 k  }* M1 B; R- Z. G0 b

4 ~2 |! ?$ w( B; \& i  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"0 O4 H2 ]" J5 c0 N' E

& b. s/ ]5 i1 F; s( S2 H& g3 a  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.+ l0 D+ Y+ [6 \1 r9 ?$ f2 E
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  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!4 \4 P* F; J( E$ e  W

& m: c' s8 b9 j% Y  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
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5 d6 w1 z3 Z/ b' H3 V3 s  same night.% p/ \  n! P8 t$ A0 n. F
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  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。! P5 m# z( N) S, w8 S0 n: ]

% p. `+ `& H8 Y- l$ c  Z( a6 x& F  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
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  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。
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: [3 I  s+ h7 e1 `" H. h6 }% t  m  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
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  . On my desk, I have a work station..! n( F  X; H$ N: u3 R* r: `6 \+ x

) d' w3 w2 U9 k9 g  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.9 p' |* i8 ^# ?

6 J7 j$ K5 A8 H7 P  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。6 O' i/ \: J& c$ V. j
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  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
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  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the, m$ q8 \* o4 n( g* t

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  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
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  了。
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) {' a  o) U2 \% s: X  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
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  g.
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  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!: q* }7 u' A/ ^% z: i( ?) c
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  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!+ E9 S+ j- W0 b" a& E3 I) }5 B

$ S* E9 g: m% K1 f# \1 x% `6 H  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan" F1 d+ j/ ?, G6 P" ~1 P8 E

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7 N4 q" ]0 |* K- d/ h4 V  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”
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  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
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  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-$ s+ ^" R0 E' E  z; U: e7 d+ a3 w3 C

, H  e# }( A7 [0 c% s0 o" J  up.
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  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu
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  t check when you say the paint is wet?8 r  O; h% f2 `

, X; c! ~. d9 H) q; f" U  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?
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  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al
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  l doubt.
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  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
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  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。1 b; w: M; b) v# h$ R5 r5 {

0 M' A2 ?) T& \; o  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
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  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。  v5 J( W9 r. W# h/ o

: g- c( o3 O2 o  S5 N  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
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2 m* P$ S. J/ E" M  t need it.5 B7 |  L7 h4 h
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  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
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  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
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  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。
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  y( K  D7 h: ]0 \8 e  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。, u% e1 D- F; r9 y8 Z+ R7 y
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  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!7 a  u1 F4 D, M2 Z  d' ~
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  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!* O( a* T3 H1 k4 k; w8 {

. h$ n5 W  U$ {8 R  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫
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5 m8 u9 s: Q! y" ~8 O' X. h( _  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.) Y( J- C8 U- b2 x. v9 |
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  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?
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# R0 ^* z7 e' u  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”; r1 h. X, w" P+ v- J

% L+ N' d2 }' X" n7 A- [( C  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。6 B: _, Q8 [$ L# u. Z; w6 U# e* W
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  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.+ {8 Q: f0 `1 n, W. O

( ]! }& q- {( W# {9 s; e$ u, s/ f9 q4 b  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装
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3 V$ ~% }- \- y' \+ g  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
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  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"' F9 h" B; h- k6 j8 {, C* S

2 y. q+ z" W) `- _% C: K  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
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  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.( V$ L+ s2 g9 k5 s, Q3 Y( B; W
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  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等  ~- R& V, L0 e8 w# a  _
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  。
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  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.8 O# z* W2 e& e5 j  h

% k. h" \% C" M) d  z  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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0 M7 T0 [; U0 p  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
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  rls live.
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; Z$ D2 u# r4 g; ?, P7 q% d  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!9 E# b6 F2 G: s( d3 Y
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  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
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  ch.* n- O) m) y; m: P, s) {

& T5 w+ j- h1 y. r& C( X, X' ]  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。1 r" e& E% p, a$ Z9 T1 ~( L+ T
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  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。0 j8 q. }$ A4 a( F
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  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.$ I  n" G1 c8 Z" ?3 B! q/ P, ]0 y+ S

3 [6 w/ L# o+ J* B5 q  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。., S/ f' o& x- H6 L' k7 I* z
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  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a& E- m, l  ^! f) y8 C& x3 M  D

% [0 y' X: B. w3 b) L9 z  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.6 `* c# \/ c2 Z
; j( t. Q9 m' b6 e8 _
  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
, i" L& d: E; m
' U. D; J( ~- ^  叫声是一样滴。3 P: K9 {+ m1 r0 O* T+ N

8 g8 b3 {0 Q) P: n# f  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.7 x3 U6 m) }: c9 {* C) P2 \" D: y

3 u: y; h* _' T# y& G  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。  j% u4 ~  y6 R; I: a! M, N% _
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  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
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  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!
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  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc+ U# v8 `) i5 B6 s7 x) [9 \
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  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?" \% e/ E/ ]$ F& t1 V9 `0 Y

( k" u1 q$ h/ F6 p& Z/ N( }  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什
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4 V% c- ?  ]7 K; i; J* C  么忙?!
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  v2 [8 V+ v3 j8 V9 A6 I' A  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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